Hi Megan,

I am so thankful to see such honesty, especially in such a public forum. I realized after reading your entry how that "control" is the struggle of all man-kind. I believe it was the action that utimately caused the downfalll of humanity (Adam and Eve wanting control). Therefore, it is natural to want what our flesh desires, as Paul says in Romans "I do what I dont want to do..etc" (paraphrased).  It is not for me to say that your current situation is something you need to get over. Perhaps those certain situations in your life is causing you discomfort, ultimately revealing that there is an unpredictability that comes with living (which I hate so much!). But, along with that, there is the revelation of the gospel message. I am learning here, while in Bangkok, away from comforts of home, that until I know my identity as God's beloved, I will constantly work myself to death trying to: 1. figure out who I am 2. Earning my Christian guilt-free conscience. What the hell was the cross for then? For me to be condemned when I fall so short of perfection? ha. 

To have grace and law is not grace.

And I hope hope there is a place in your life where you can just be real with our God. Venting to Him, complaining to Him, asking him, etc. He is the God who does love us, and until we understand it is out of His love, that he sometimes asks us to do wacky things, we will only become chain-downed to a live of guilt and confusion of not living as a perfect Christian / or being in control of it. 

As for your latter comment about God putting us in the same place. I understand where you're coming from. However, I've seen people who God calls to do certain things and they don't. And interesting, the calling goes onto others. Billy Grahmn is a example of such a person. He said that orginally the calling was placed on someone else, but that person chose not to take it. Therefore, I believe certain callings he will ask, but never enforce. He is a gentle God too. :-)

I hope I didn't offend you in any way. I just saw that you are a sister in Christ, therefore, it is my responsisbiltity to treat you as such. haha.

Feel free to write back if you wish.

I'll be praying for you. Let me know how everything goes.